Friday, September 4, 2015

Tension


The other day I watched this video of a testimony from Melissa Helser (singer/worship leader) someone had posted on Facebook. It really impacted me and I wanted to share my journal entry below. Hope it encourages you!

“Just watched a video testimony about Melissa Helser and how she has psoriatic arthritis and what God has taught her. He didn't just heal her but helped her find joy in the waiting. She said nothing can convince her that God is not good, not even pain. One line she said really stood out to me - 'Without tension, you can't make music.'

I realized I haven't been holding onto the goodness of God. Yes this waiting is hard. I'm in love with a baby I can't see yet. My heart feels divided already even though our baby isn't here. And yes it's hard. But if I stop and remember that God, the creator of all things, the One who loves me and saves me every day, He is writing this adoption love story. Not me. My part is just a small one in a bigger picture of redemption and love. That He would orchestrate something of this magnitude and let me be a part? Mind blowing. Of course He is good. Of course He sees my heart. Of course He knows the wait is tough. But if I remember that He has written this story, maybe I'll remember how good He is. And then I'll breathe easy in the waiting, knowing my job is just to trust in a good Father who loves me, who loves our future baby so much that He would write a story so detailed, with so many people involved.

I want to be found faithful in the waiting. So I'm letting go today of my plans, my wants, my desires and holding on to the One who loves me.”