I've sat down to post an update numerous times over the last few months, but have never found the words to say so gave up shortly after. But now I've decided it's time to give you a peek into our adoption world over the last bit of time. And 'waiting' is the name of the game.
Over the last few months, we've seen numerous profiles for birth families, but most have been in Utah or Florida and we've had to make the difficult choices to not show our book for a good portion of them. There are a lot of reasons why, but I don't feel like it's information that belongs in my blog. Just know that we've prayed extensively over each profile, and have never found peace. These were not our babies, it's just that simple.
In July, we got a phone call about a closer to home birth family who was due within days of our initial conversation. Chris and I prayed about it and quickly decided that we would love to meet the birth mom. Due to wanting to protect her privacy, I won't go into much detail here. We set up a meeting for the next day and tried to sleep that night. And let me tell you, it was NOT easy to sleep! The next day we met this lovely lady and had a great 2 hour meeting with her. We felt a great connection with her and her story and got the chance to pray over her at the end of the visit. Over the next 3 days we anxiously awaited news to hear if she had chosen us or not. July 11th arrived which happened to be our 6 year anniversary. I checked my phone and saw we had a voicemail from our agency. Very quickly my stomach sank upon hearing she had chosen the other family and that the baby had already been born. Needless to say, we took this news very hard. We were so hopeful that this would be our match. We felt so happy for the other adoptive family as we knew they were getting the best news, but so sad for us as well as sad for the birth mother as we imagined how difficult her decision had to be. It was such a learning experience though. We know God is so good and He has this story already written out. We are learning to acknowledge the grief of not getting chosen, but focus on the hope that we will meet our baby someday, hopefully soon!
We are surrounded with such great support. People prayed with us, encouraged us. Some friends even snuck into our home to leave us a card with some gifts for us to have a date night. We felt so carried even though we were sad.
Fast forward to now, the first day of September, and we are still waiting. There's no news. Nothing. Crickets.
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| This picture made me laugh so much! |
I wasn't prepared for the deafening silence that comes along with anxiously awaiting the one phone call that will most change our lives! I'm not gonna lie, it's HARD. The best way I can explain it is similar to the feeling when you are walking down a hallway and you know someone is hidden along the way and is going to jump out and scare you! I know we could get an email or call at any moment. I don't know about you other adoptive families out there, but I'm glued to my phone most of the day! Every time it dings to let me know I have an email, my heart leaps a little. It's a constant roller coaster of emotions! I know God has already written this beautiful story, but I just want to know the ending! This personality trait of mine drives Chris crazy. We will be watching a suspenseful movie and I just can't take it so I'll look up how it ends online so I can relax and just enjoy the rest of the movie. But for some reason, God won't let me do that in the case of our adoption!
So there ya have it. That's what's been going on. I'm going to try to blog more often, even if it's just about how we're processing and feeling. Maybe it'll help someone else out there who is in the longest wait of their lives like we are! We're just so very excited to meet this little person who will change our whole world. I know this blog sounds a little whiny, so thank you for letting me write my feelings out. But please know that the honor and privilege of adoptions is not lost on Chris and me. We know it's an adventure and full of twists and turns, we're just hanging on for dear life and trying to enjoy the journey!
Thanks for reading!
Kristen
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