Tension

The other day I watched this video of a testimony from Melissa Helser (singer/worship leader) someone had posted on Facebook. It really impacted me and I wanted to share my journal entry below. Hope it encourages you!

“Just watched a video testimony about Melissa Helser and how she has psoriatic arthritis and what God has taught her. He didn't just heal her but helped her find joy in the waiting. She said nothing can convince her that God is not good, not even pain. One line she said really stood out to me - 'Without tension, you can't make music.'

I realized I haven't been holding onto the goodness of God. Yes this waiting is hard. I'm in love with a baby I can't see yet. My heart feels divided already even though our baby isn't here. And yes it's hard. But if I stop and remember that God, the creator of all things, the One who loves me and saves me every day, He is writing this adoption love story. Not me. My part is just a small one in a bigger picture of redemption and love. That He would orchestrate something of this magnitude and let me be a part? Mind blowing. Of course He is good. Of course He sees my heart. Of course He knows the wait is tough. But if I remember that He has written this story, maybe I'll remember how good He is. And then I'll breathe easy in the waiting, knowing my job is just to trust in a good Father who loves me, who loves our future baby so much that He would write a story so detailed, with so many people involved.

I want to be found faithful in the waiting. So I'm letting go today of my plans, my wants, my desires and holding on to the One who loves me.”

Crickets

Well hello! 

I've sat down to post an update numerous times over the last few months, but have never found the words to say so gave up shortly after. But now I've decided it's time to give you a peek into our adoption world over the last bit of time. And 'waiting' is the name of the game. 

Over the last few months, we've seen numerous profiles for birth families, but most have been in Utah or Florida and we've had to make the difficult choices to not show our book for a good portion of them. There are a lot of reasons why, but I don't feel like it's information that belongs in my blog. Just know that we've prayed extensively over each profile, and have never found peace. These were not our babies, it's just that simple. 

In July, we got a phone call about a closer to home birth family who was due within days of our initial conversation. Chris and I prayed about it and quickly decided that we would love to meet the birth mom. Due to wanting to protect her privacy, I won't go into much detail here. We set up a meeting for the next day and tried to sleep that night. And let me tell you, it was NOT easy to sleep! The next day we met this lovely lady and had a great 2 hour meeting with her. We felt a great connection with her and her story and got the chance to pray over her at the end of the visit. Over the next 3 days we anxiously awaited news to hear if she had chosen us or not. July 11th arrived which happened to be our 6 year anniversary. I checked my phone and saw we had a voicemail from our agency. Very quickly my stomach sank upon hearing she had chosen the other family and that the baby had already been born. Needless to say, we took this news very hard. We were so hopeful that this would be our match. We felt so happy for the other adoptive family as we knew they were getting the best news, but so sad for us as well as sad for the birth mother as we imagined how difficult her decision had to be. It was such a learning experience though. We know God is so good and He has this story already written out. We are learning to acknowledge the grief of not getting chosen, but focus on the hope that we will meet our baby someday, hopefully soon! 

We are surrounded with such great support. People prayed with us, encouraged us. Some friends even snuck into our home to leave us a card with some gifts for us to have a date night. We felt so carried even though we were sad. 

Fast forward to now, the first day of September, and we are still waiting. There's no news. Nothing. Crickets. 

This picture made me laugh so much!

I wasn't prepared for the deafening silence that comes along with anxiously awaiting the one phone call that will most change our lives! I'm not gonna lie, it's HARD. The best way I can explain it is similar to the feeling when you are walking down a hallway and you know someone is hidden along the way and is going to jump out and scare you! I know we could get an email or call at any moment. I don't know about you other adoptive families out there, but I'm glued to my phone most of the day! Every time it dings to let me know I have an email, my heart leaps a little. It's a constant roller coaster of emotions! I know God has already written this beautiful story, but I just want to know the ending! This personality trait of mine drives Chris crazy. We will be watching a suspenseful movie and I just can't take it so I'll look up how it ends online so I can relax and just enjoy the rest of the movie. But for some reason, God won't let me do that in the case of our adoption! 

So there ya have it. That's what's been going on. I'm going to try to blog more often, even if it's just about how we're processing and feeling. Maybe it'll help someone else out there who is in the longest wait of their lives like we are! We're just so very excited to meet this little person who will change our whole world. I know this blog sounds a little whiny, so thank you for letting me write my feelings out. But please know that the honor and privilege of adoptions is not lost on Chris and me. We know it's an adventure and full of twists and turns, we're just hanging on for dear life and trying to enjoy the journey! 

Thanks for reading! 

Kristen 

Still Waiting.....

I realize it has been about a decade since I last posted on here. Oops. We've been super busy with life in general! So here's a quick update:

All has been silent on the adoption front. Our profile book was shown a couple months ago for the first (and only) time but the young lady decided on another family. We actually were quite grateful for the experience as now we have a better idea of what to expect. We feel very peaceful that this was not the right match for us and that God is orchestrating our story behind the scenes and we don't need to worry about the details. I am SO grateful for overwhelming peace. It was exciting to have our book shown though and to know that another waiting family like ours just got exciting news! Otherwise we haven't heard a peep for a couple months, but we were warned this would be the case. Especially since we have chosen to only pursue matches in the Oregon and Washington areas for numerous reasons. Namely, it can almost double the cost to go outside our local area. Also, as we have prayed about this we just feel like God wants us to stay local for right now. After a year, we will pray and reassess to see if we should expand our options but for now, we are peaceful and happy where we are! 

Fundraising has been going SO well. We are just blown away by people's love and generosity! We had our first yard sale of the season last weekend. I had prayed and asked God that we would raise $1000 with this sale. I counted what we had made at close on Saturday and found we were at $945! We were blown away because the most expensive item we sold was $50. You can imagine how much stuff we had to sell to reach that amount. Right after counting, 3 more latecomers showed up and bought items and then told us to keep the change for our cause (this happened SO many times throughout the weekend!) This got our total to $998 and again I thought, how cool that we got so close to our goal. A friend commented on my Facebook post that she had taken an item and would pay us the $2 next time we saw her. That made our grand total exactly $1000!!! I didn't take this as coincidence, and neither did Chris. We saw so clearly how much God loves us and wanted to confirm we are in the exact place He wants us to be. Amazing how much something so seemingly small can just rejuvenate and re energize our hearts and spirits to continue on this path He has brought us too. 

After the sale and other donations from friends and family, we are approximately $4000 away from the minimum adoption fee we would need! In less than a year. This blows my mind. I remember talking with Chris when we were deciding if adoption was right for us, and looking at the costs of $20k plus and feeling so overwhelmed. God is so good. And the people around us are so good. I wish I could go tell each person who has helped in any way thank you and hug their necks. But a giant THANK YOU from my blog will have to suffice for today! THANK YOU. Chris and I feel so humbled that so many people believe in us, believe in adoption, believe in this little person we get to meet someday. This is not a small thing you are doing for us. It's huge. Every time one of you donates, or texts to ask how we're doing, or says they are praying - this keeps our spirits up and encourages us to keep going down this path that is far from simple or easy. I wish I could really convey how my heart feels about all this, but this is as close as I can get with words! 

So that is all for now. I guess I had more to say than I thought I did! Thank you for your good thoughts, prayers and encouragement. We can't wait to have exciting news to share someday. 

Have an amazing week everyone! YOU ARE LOVED! 

Kristen 

Adopted Newborn Class

Last weekend Chris and I attended an all day training about caring for adopted infants. It was taught by a registered nurse and others who had all adopted children themselves. We had a GREAT time! 

We learned basic infant care including swaddling, diaper options, baby wearing and early child development as well as more adoption related material. We had a 'baby' that we were to take care of for the entire class. Here is Chris with our little 'girl'. She didn't cry or wet her diaper once! 

I am so thankful that there are adoptive families that want to share information that they've learned! One of the greatest parts of the day was getting to interact with other families in the adoption process. 

We also had the chance to check out some adoption related children's books. The one I loved the most and can't wait to purchase is God Found Us You by Lisa Tawn Bergren. It is absolutely beautifully written, I found myself tearing up just flipping through the book. 

One of my favorite excerpts from the book reads "Oh yes" Mama said with a smile. "That is my favorite story of all. From God to my arms, you made me the happiest mother in the world." "Just by comin' home?" Little Fox asked with a yawn. "Especially by coming home." Mama said

If you are in the Portland area definitely check out the Baby & Toddler Care Class through NAFA (Northwest Adoptive Families Association) 

Waiting....

I've decided to call this season of my life the 'Waiting Room'. Mostly waiting for adoption news but then again it seems like I'm always waiting on something. For Friday to roll around, for pay day, vacations, birthdays, news of any sort about our adoption. I've been asking God, what do I do while in the 'waiting room' and I'm starting to learn something. I'm learning that if I focus too much on what I'm waiting for to happen, I miss out on a good deal of my life. And a lot of life is spent waiting so in a sense I'm wishing a good portion of my life away. Easier said than done, but I'm trying to step back and enjoy this process, to not miss out on what God has for me in this 'waiting room' season I'm in.

That being said, we've been 'waiting' a grand total of two months for any news about our adoption and I'm trying not to pull my hair out. I know what you are thinking and yes, two months isn't very long at all. This could go on for a couple years so I should probably calm down right? It's not so much that I'm wanting to rush the process, it's more the constant 'never knowing what's going on' combined with the 'gotta be prepared at all times' rounded out by the 'what do we do now'. I'm just constantly reminded and thankful that God holds the map. I'm thankful that even though I have no idea when or where or how this is all going to happen, He does. He see's the big picture and knows every detail down to how many hairs will be on this child's head. That is my constant source of relief during all of this waiting. Those that know me, know I love to plan, love to have ideas and know what's going on at all times, so this is quite a stretching and growing season for me. And I like that. I need to grow. I need to be stretched. I don't mean to sound whiny, in all reality most days fly by. But occasionally I hit a day like today where I just can't stop wondering how this will all play out and it starts to feel a bit overwhelming. 

So if you are wondering how you could support us right now, we would ask for prayer. Prayer for us as we wait and learn more about being patient! Prayer for the birth mom we will meet someday. Lastly, prayer for this wonderful little him or her who is the center of this whole thing. I'm constantly just in awe of how much support and love we are shown from family, friends and even complete strangers. I'm so blessed. 

Speaking of blessed, have you seen our fundraising thermometer? >>>>>>

Good grief we are surrounded by generous folks. I just love how many of you want to be involved in Baby Locati's life! Oh the stories we will be able to tell Baby about how many people prayed for, donated and asked about him or her. Thank you for loving our family so much. Seriously. Thank you. 

We are $7500 away from the minimum amount we will need to finalize the adoption! This blows my mind!! If you are wondering how to help, consider purchasing a puzzle piece. Each piece is $5 and goes directly to our agency fees. Your name will go on a puzzle piece and eventually hung up in the nursery so our family can remember you all and how you have sacrificed to help us! 

Here's an update on how many pieces have been purchased! About 100 have been sponsored, 400 to go (this doesn't reflect that an amazing family member purchased an entire puzzle themselves! We still have to get that completed)

Thanks for checking in! We will keep you posted if we hear anything! 


Kristen

Missing Piece Fundraiser

I'm very excited to have my very first guest blogger today - my very dear friend Jenni! She wrote a little something to tell you about the fundraiser she is doing on our behalf. I'm so grateful for the amazing family and friends we are blessed with. I don't know that I'll ever be able to say thank you enough (although I have promised lots of future baby snuggles!)


Hello readers of Kristen's Blog! 

I have known Kristen for almost eight years now and I have loved every minute of knowing this wonderful woman. I also had the pleasure of watching Kristen and her wonderful husband Chris fall in love and to see their love story unfold. I still remember the morning after Thanksgiving, Kristen waiting by my door for me to wake up so she could share her exciting news - Chris had asked her out the night before! She was so excited and so happy! In July 2009 they got married and I was very lucky to photograph the very first moment Chris saw Kristen walking down the aisle towards him and the joy that was on his face.  What a beautiful moment!!!

Now they have started a new chapter in their lives together and have started to process to adopt a baby!! I could not be happier or more excited for them and I cannot wait to be Auntie to their little bundle of joy that I know they will love and cherish so much. 

I wanted to help Kristen and Chris out as I know the fundraising aspect is quite overwhelming, so I decided to host a puzzle fundraiser called 'Bring Home the Missing Piece'. Here's how it works.  I purchased a 500 piece puzzle and I am asking people to sponsor pieces for $5 each.

 When you sponsor a puzzle piece, I will write your name on the back and once the puzzle is complete I will frame it with the names facing out for Kristen and Chris to hang in the baby's nursery so they can see every person who helped bring home Baby Locati! 

There are two ways to donate - the easiest is through the Paypal link to the right of your screen on Kristen's blog. Just mark how many pieces you want and I will get your name added to the puzzle pieces! The other option is to email me at jen.meissner@yahoo.com and I can give you the address to send a check to! All proceeds go directly towards their adoption agency expenses. 

Thank you for taking the time to read about our exciting fundraiser! Currently we have sold 10 pieces of this puzzle in addition to a very generous family member of Chris' that purchased an entire puzzle themselves! I know Chris and Kristen are so humbled and grateful for every sacrifice their friends and family are making to help them in this process. I know they have raised a lot so far (see the fundraiser thermometer on the right side of the blog!) but have a long ways to go. Just know that every puzzle piece counts! 

Love you Kristen and Chris so much and i can't wait to watch this next journey unfold.

~ Jenni

Baby Gear

As things are moving along, I am trying to get my nursery all ready and realized I'm missing a few things so before I go shopping, I thought I'd ask for feedback on favorite baby products!

So....let me know, what item/product could you just not live without and would recommend to a first time mom like me? I'm especially interested in wraps/slings and car seat feedback!

Leave a comment below!

Drumroll Please!

As of 11:02 pm on 12/29/14, we received the email that our file is in order, home study complete and in the words of our amazing caseworker 'You are officially a waiting family!'

Another way to say this is 'paper pregnant'. 




Not sure how I feel about that term, but we're gonna roll with it anyway! Obviously we are VERY relieved and excited, but now the real adventure begins. We could be meeting with birth families at any moment and placed at any moment so basically we just have to be ready. I have loaded up on newborn clothes for boys and girls, newborn diapers, wipes and basically everything but the car seat. Well, I guess I only have enough diapers for 2 1/2 days but we'll catch up! Now realistically this process usually takes 12-24 months, but still, that's so fast. I'm sure I will be busily nesting and fundraising waiting for that awesome moment we meet our little one. 

So enter a giant EEEEKKKKK here followed by a OMGOSH. We are freaking out. This process was complete in 5 months. That's crazy fast. 

If you are looking for me, I'll be huddled in the corner surrounded by books about how to take care of newborns and sniffing Pampers diapers to get prepared for the amazing smell of babies. Possibly downing chocolate faster than you can say Hershey. Roller coasters have nothing on the adoption process. 

Merry Christmas!!

Merry Christmas everyone! Time for an update......

Over the last couple of months, we have been steadily working on our home study. As of today, our home study is completed and being reviewed! This is a HUGE step forward in our adventure and a giant relief to us both.

We met our caseworker when she visited our home for the first of two meetings. She was such a huge blessing to us. I was amazed at how she had memorized our story and could repeat parts of it back to us like she had known us for years. She toured our home and we only had one safety piece to fix before she came back. We needed to prepare and post a fire evacuation plan somewhere in our home. She chatted with us and both two hour visits flew by. She gave us so many ideas to work on and also pointed out areas we needed to strengthen. I was grateful for her honesty and advice.

In addition, after 548,927.218 hours of work, I have completed our photo profile book. This is what the agencies will share with the birth families to help them chose an adoptive family. The profile book shows photos and details about who we are to give the birth family some understanding of the family they are choosing for their child. The photo book was just approved by our agency a couple hours ago so now I can get 12 copies ordered! We had our photos taken by one of our amazing friends Beth. She did such a great job of making us look almost normal!

Isn't my super hubby handsome? 

Now we just wait a couple more weeks for the home study to be reviewed and approved. Soon I will be able to announce that we are officially ready to be matched with a family at any point!

As for fundraising, if you look to your right, you will see our fundraising goal. We've raised an AMAZING $7539 towards our overall adoption costs. We are SO grateful. Our next fundraiser is one our good friend Jenni is putting together called the 'Missing Piece'. People will have the chance to sponsor a puzzle piece for $5. We have a large puzzle that we will try to complete over the next couple months. Each piece purchased will have the sponsors name written on it. When the puzzle is complete, we will put together and frame backwards to hang in the baby's nursery so we can honor everyone who donated and they get to be a piece of our adventure! Feel free to get the ball rolling now if you feel so inclined! There is a Paypal link to the right of your screen you can use, just include a note that it's for the 'Missing Piece' fundraiser and Jenni will get your name on a puzzle piece. So fun!

Hope that helps give you an idea of where we are in the process. It's all so terrifyingly amazingly awesome and exciting, but also huge and overwhelming. We are so ready to kick back and relax for the holiday's and enjoy some time with our families. We have SO much to be grateful for this Christmas season. God is and has been so good to our little family and we know that without Jesus coming to us in the most vulnerable form possible and being 'adopted' into our world as a little innocent baby, we would have and be nothing. I am so grateful for His sacrifice for me. And not only so that I could have life in heaven with Him, but also that I could be constantly shaped and molded into someone better than I could be on my own. This adoption process is shaping me so deeply and at times it is difficult, but I know that what He is preparing me for is so exciting and rewarding and I can't wait to see the story He writes for us.

Thanks for reading. I appreciate those of you who take time to follow the story of a couple crazy kids on a crazy adventure. We are so blessed by the support we have received from those around us.

Have a peaceful, joyful and fun Christmas!

Kristen

Fireplace Bench Project

We are slowly beginning the task of baby proofing our house before the case worker begins our interviews and inspections. There is lots to do but for our first hurdle I decided to find a way to make our lovely brick fireplace safe for little crawlers as it's surrounded with hard and sharp corners. I didn't love the idea of just putting a baby gate around it so searched my favorite site Pinterest for ideas.

Before - Mean old sharp edged fireplace

 I stumbled onto this site and discovered her brilliant idea for solving the fireplace issue - creating a bench cover! So thus began a new Saturday project for us. And by 'us' I mean, my husband. Funny how that works huh?

We went shopping at our local craft supply store and picked out the material we wanted and the foam to build the bench as well as plywood and pine boards as suggested on the blog.

We chose a faux leather fabric to make clean up easier! 

Chris (aka Superman) began the tedious process of cutting, gluing, re cutting, re-gluing, well you get the idea.

Isn't he handsome? I digress....

After he got the frame built, we began adding the multiple layers of foam to make our bench seat super comfy!

And eventually, after numerous attempts at folding the material just so, we set the bench in place and then my husband told me to stay off Pinterest for the rest of our lives. Just kidding, he didn't say that. Although I'm pretty sure he was thinking it.

Voila!

All done! I'm so happy with how it turned out. Now our future little's (and their friends) will be safe to roam and play!

(Is now a good time to mention the baby gates I want Chris to build next?)

Of Paperwork, Nurseries and Fall

FALL!! This is my FAVORITE season. I love the change of colors and weather. I love being able to get cozy with a throw blanket and slippers. There is more changing than the seasons around our house though! Here are some updates for you all!

Adoption - Well, things are progressing quite nicely! We completed our required all day training session and it was AMAZING! We are so blessed to be working with such a wonderful adoption agency. They brought in a lawyer to give us advice on the legal aspects of adoption, an OHSU Doctor to help us understand potential health problems and tons of other information that was so beneficial. My favorite part was getting to hear from adoptive families and later on in the day from a couple of birth parents who chose adoption for their child. It was breathtaking to hear stories about the beauty of adoption. Obviously the stories shared weren't without pain and difficulty, but the end result of all these people coming together to benefit this one child was just incredible to see. Lets just say my eyes were leaking all day!

In other news, as of last Monday our home study paperwork and studies are COMPLETE and mailed to the agency! What a relief that was to have done.

Now we wait to hear from the agency and schedule our interviews with the case worker! I feel nervous about this part, mostly because I'm not sure what to expect. I've had butterflies in my stomach the last several days as we've taken the next few steps. Its all becoming so real!

In other news, my family visited a few weeks ago and we decided it would be fun to set up the nursery! It may seem early, and in fact probably is quite early, but it feels good to know it's ready to go whenever we get a call someday down the road as well as to show the caseworker when he/she visits our home. Plus it was so fun to have my mom help me decorate and organize everything! She is such a huge help with all of this. We still have some things to finish, but those can all wait until later once we are closer to actually adopting. For now, enjoy some sneak peeks!

Putting together the crib we got on Craigslist! 

We got the two dressers FREE at a yard sale! 

Don't mind the WiFi thing in the window :)

I'm in LOVE with how it turned out. My mom had the idea of doing a Noah's Ark animal theme and had been saving decorations for that purpose. It turned out so cute and relaxing. I love to just go sit in there and dream about rocking a baby in there someday!

Fundraising - Well since you asked, we have raised approximately 1/3 of our adoption costs so far! I'm just BLOWN away at the generosity and love we have experienced. HUGE thanks to everyone who has donated through bake sales and through the Paypal button on the blog! I'm so blessed by every little bit. Next on the agenda is more baked goods right before Thanksgiving and Christmas! Please let me know if you would like some yummy bread or cinnamon rolls!

Well that about catches us all up I think! I want to leave you with this quote I saw the other day. It really inspired me in this season of change we are in. Our adoption agency director reminded us at our training that adoption is for the courageous. That being said, no matter how 'courageous' I may or may not be, the truth is that I feel overwhelming fear about this process almost every day. All the what if's and the complete lack of control leaves me struggling some days because God knows, I love to have everything planned and prepared down to the tiniest detail. But He is leading me into and through a season where I have to let go of the reins and let Him lead me because there is no way I am brave enough on my own to do this. And I am grateful for that, because I know its preparing me for the future. So take a moment to think about what areas of your life God is calling you to have courage in and take a giant leap with me!

Love to you all!